| But icantFEELa THING |
[04 May 2005|06:50pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Scorpoins;No One Like You |
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Whoa, its been awhile. Me &Josh don't even talk, steve gave me one of josh's sweatshirts though, &i haven't even washed it since, rofl. Me &Steve were best friends then we fucked it all up when i said yes after he asked me out. We ended up fighting all the time &i told him it just wasn't working. Kyle told me steve only got with me cause josh told him i was easy? Steve found out that me&josh did things whenever we kicked it, but we didn't screw. Steve said that wasn't true, kyle just talks a lot of shit. So me &steve are close again, but not as close. Whatever, it sucks. Don't go out with your best friend.
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| will you be there HOLDINGMYHAND; |
[19 Mar 2005|07:11pm] |
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mood |
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indescribable |
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music |
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3 Doors Down; Kyrptonite |
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I've lost two people close to me, all on the same day. My uncle nick passed away wednesday night, it was too unbelievable. I went to his funeral friday night, angie, jamie & dolly were falling apart, his kids &wife. Angie seen me &she just grabs me the minute i come up to her. i miss him so much.
Josh decided to leave wednesday. He got in a fight with his mom &was gonna get a plane to minnesota. Steve doesn't know what happened cause he wasn't home &josh is just isolating us all, so no one knows whats going on. He's leaving tomorrow, &i haven't talked to him since last week sunday. I should have talked to him about it thursday, but i just wasn't in the mood. I seen him in the parking lot at school friday, but i didn't say anything to him either, cause i didn't find out about it until ten friday night. and its too late to change his mind.
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| HOWSHOULDiFEEL; |
[11 Mar 2005|08:54pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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TomPetty;Mary Jane's Last Dance |
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Things have changed so much from last year but then theres the stuff that never seems to change. Me&Steve are really tight now, &last year I hated him, he talked shit about me, but he apoligized over all of that stuff. My friend &his brother, Josh, told him that i thought he was hot, rofl, so now he nows how i feel about him i guess. I'd go out with him, but then i think of all the stuff him &kim did. I'm kind of pissed about that, but he told me they didn't fuck, &i believe him, i think. But than kim tells me how he is &all this shit with his pants off. whateva. But then i feel weird around josh, cause i did shit with him behind ash's back, & steve doesn't know, &i don't think i could ever tell him, it'd just be WEIRD. Steve asked me today what we do when me&josh kick it &i was just like, talk&stuff, &he just starts laughing, &I'm like..okay(ohwait&getoneachother) &even though josh is steve's little brother, josh is my age, just a grade behind &steve is a grade behind, so hes in my class, but a year older.
One thing that hasn't changed is that I still don't know how i feel. I don't want to be like all those other annoying girls, all cutting up &shit, cause it just makes me wanna go out &shot that shit up. Its all i think about though, is suicide, fucked up, i know. I can sit in school&when i'm at home &think of ODing &other ways just to get rid of everything. I haven't told anybody about how i feel, i thought about telling josh or ryan, cause they seem to care about whats going on&always ask me questions &shit. But i guess i'm afraid of what they'll say.
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| violentlyITCHANGES; |
[28 Feb 2005|06:25pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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JOURNEY |
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awww... josh &me are homies again.
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| feelingSHORTofSTABLE; |
[22 Feb 2005|04:10pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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R.KELS; in the kitchen |
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I did something bad. &i feel terrible about it. &i can't talk to barely anyone about it, without them telling ashleigh, my best friend. So you know how friends hook friends up with guys that they are interested in gettin with? So, Ashleigh really likes Josh. &me &him are friends, so i talked to him &found out who he was interested in, &i started naming off chicks, "kayla?" "shes ok" "ash?" "shes just a friend" [Ok, no, she wants to be more than your friend,] than hes like well there someone else. &i told him i didn't know who else &he was like, "well i'm interested in gettin with YOU" &i was shocked. this always happens to me. I flirt terriblily with guys &then they want to go out. I have no feelings for josh, like emotional, i just wanna get in his pants. I'm not a slut, i swear. Theres just something about him that turns me on. I guess I brought it on my self, on the bus, when i sort of got on him [that was the best bus ride ever, ash didn't even see it happen...dumb bitch rofl] &then when we went sledding, i got on a sled with him on the bottom of the hill &yesyesyesyesbadbadbadbad. IKNOW. but it felt so good to be so close to him. &i just wanted to cry cause im always so sad &he made me feel so different. &if i would get involved, i would just use him for the dick. &i know using people is bad cause i've been hurt before, physically, for using guys &threatened. But i KNOW josh would never do anything like that, cause when kyle, ash's brother hit me &started pushing me around, josh got in the middle of it &saved my ass. &josh's brother steve, is such a sweet guy too. I used brandon &well, rape is a strong word, but he sexually abused me in school in a back band room, cause i used him for drugs &he wanted something back. Then Marvin, i used him to get to his friends&drugs. Marvin was okay lookin i guess, but he had some FINE friends, but they were all gang related &shit, so marv found out i was using him to get to his friends&other stuff, when we were gonna hang out, he decided to get me outside the mall &"fuck me up cause ima stupid white girl" his words right thurr. &then scott used to hurt me, but that was three years ago, but i still can't trust guys AT ALL. i can't get close or have a relationship cause i don't want to get hurt, im scared. so basically, im stupid &i use guys &end up gettin hurt. i'm gonna try not to get involved with josh, cause i can't lose another friend. cause i guess i could JUSTTTTT get with his hot brother, steve. josh is supposed to be in my grade, but he failed once, &steve is in my grade, but he failed so hes supposed to be a grade ahead, lol. love dem boyz. ash wants me to go to some indoor waterpark with her &josh&kyle&lauren&i dont know who else? &i do not want to do that. bikini, josh &all. i seen josh though, today in the parking lot, &i just wanted to run up &hold him. &i can't even tell him how ash feels about him, cause i don't think i can cause IMASTUPIDGIRL! with feelings &all. -stayfrostythough.
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| FebruarySEVENTEENTHohfive; |
[17 Feb 2005|09:17pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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Crime Mob;Knock if ya buck |
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I deleted most of my entries, cause i do it frequently. I only leave ones without painful memories. Live's been okay though, couldbebetter, but I'll take what I can get. Whatever, i do not want to be another suicidal teenage statisic. I don't want to be like them.
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| don'tbesuchawuss; quizthang |
[06 Dec 2004|07:12pm] |
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content |
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NIN;reptile |
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THE RULES :
1. Copy and post this into your own diary.
2. Bold any statement that is true.
3. Leave plain anything that is false.
4. Add 5 things of your own at the bottom.
001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003. I love olives.
004. I love sleeping.
005. I own a home.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
007. I love to play video games.
008. I've done something illegal.
009. I've watched porn movies.
010. I have been in a threesome.
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I like my handwriting.
013. I have acne-free skin. almost...
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby.
018. I've been to another country. (Canada, England, Ireland, Sweden, Russia, Mexico, and numerous Caribbean islands)
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I'm really, really smart.
021. I've never broken anyone else's bones.
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
023. I love rain.
024. I'm paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
026. I need money right now.
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have semi-long hair.
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister.
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look.
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months.
040. I know how to do cornrows.
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings.
043. I think prostitution should be legalized.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I've been sexually intimate with less than ten people.
049. I am currently single.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat.
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
056. I'm bourgeoisie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
057. I'm obsessed with my diary!
058. I don't hate anyone.
059. I'm a pretty good dancer.
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
062. I have a cell phone.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. I've rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone.
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future.
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. I've had the cops called on me before.
074. I bite my nails.
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
076. I'm not allergic to anything deadly.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie.
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex.
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
083. I have been rejected by someone.
084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past.
085. I own the "SOUTH PARK" movie
086. I have avoided work to play on OD.
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I love my best friend.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
098. I have dated a close friend's ex.
099. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving.
101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met.
102. I've kissed someone I knew I shouldn't.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. I'm procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love."
108. Cheese enchiladas rock my socks.
109. I think 'The Lord of the Rings' is one of the greatest things ever.
110. I'm obsessed with the tv show "The O.C."
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often.
114. I think Ramen is one of the best foods in the whole world.
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd.
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
118. I am left handed and proud of it.
119. I try not to change who I am for someone.
120. My heart resides below my feet.
121. I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with.
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have had major surgery.
124. I have adopted a pet from the SPCA.
125. I am listening to Radiohead right now.
126. Some people call me by a nickname.
127. I once stole a music stand.
128. I like pumpkin pie.
129. I love NASCAR!
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I have mono.
132. I don't have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor.
134. I'm still in my PJs.
135. I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
136. I have a tendency to fall for the wrong guys, or have them fall for me, so I can't help but reciprocate.
137. I'll try anything three times.
138. Done drugs other than alcohol or cannabis.
139. I'm having trouble sleeping.
140. I am a cuddler.
141. I love John Waters films.
142. I have made a pornographic videotape.
143. Sloth is my favorite deadly sin.
144. One of my boobs is bigger than the other.
145. I know all the words to the "Firefly" theme song.
146. I am abnormally obsessed with all things Buffy/Angel.
147. I love comfort food.
148. I'm a right-winged conservative Christian, and damned proud of it. So there.
149. I'm Catholic.
150. I can walk a mile without feeling like I'm going to keel over and die.
151. I am a college student.
152. I love to cook.
153. I hate vacuuming with a passion.
154. I'm addicted to photography and picture frames.
155. I love John Mayer.
156. If I could be a guy for one day, to see what it's like, I would do it.
157. I'm not in my 20's anymore.(or im a teenager)
158. I am not caucasian.
159. There's snow on the ground outside.
160. I think 'The Family Guy' rocks!
161. My Christmas shopping is nowhere near being done yet.
162. I am addicted to coffee.
163. I hate birds...beaky little freaky-eyed nasty things.
164. I have something Elvis related in my house.
165. I have a fondness for bobbleheads.
166. There is no such thing as something too tacky or too sparkly.
167. I could not live without music.
168. Spiders make me faint
169. I like older guys.
170. Hablan Espanol?
171. I love grand theft auto.
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| fuckwork; |
[06 Dec 2004|06:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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indescribable |
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music |
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AC/DC;ROCKnROLLain'tnoisePOLLUTION |
] |
Saint nick came today&my little sister&brother woke up at 6 to get her frickin candy. whatthafuck. This morning, when I got in the car to go to school, I noticed it snowed out! no way. The ski hill is already open, whats next, the snowmobile trails? That would be awesome. They were opened like one day last year, which is freaky for wisconsin. thepackergameyesterday, hurtlikeaBITCH. &let's just keep it at that.
We got new seats en espanol, finally. There just as bad, I always hate the people I sit by. I had to present my speech today, I forgot to introduce myself, opps. We get to adopt a family &donate money that will help them for christmas time, so that's cool. I chilled all through history&science&then went to my other guided study. So many immature people in that class, I can't stand it. growthefuckupalready. I did my algebra&read a bit of a book I got. I ate lunch today, for once!? It was nasty though, so I gave it to courtney&she ate my cheese sauce&i had a cherry coke&we just talked about the usual stuff. I went to english&talked to alex for some of the time&zoned out the rest. My teacher insists that we all have red pens when we correct, no exceptions. so me&alex decided to share mine.
Ashleigh freaked out in gym cause she got her period. She weighs like 100 lbs, & still gets it for a whole week. I weigh 125 &get mine for one day. I'm coo wit dat. We worked out& talked about kim putting out too much, not always a bad thing, but i guess when your mad at someone. I rode the bus home, it blew. -stayFROSTY.
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| hipstertakeastand; |
[03 Dec 2004|09:17pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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music |
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Korn;Y'all want a single |
] |
Friday. Yeaaahhhh. Cept I didn't do shit, cause my mom is a freak...my sister bitched at me this morning because I hit her car door on the snowmobile...well, maybe if she didn't practically park ON TOP of the damn thing. So we got to school&parked in back, by the hicks. yeaahhh. omfgisawthisreallyhotguy, in the parking lot. his little brother is in my gym class, too bad i dont know his last name. :\ anyways, i ran into him in the hallway&he smiled at me:). thank god for crowded hallways... ryan gave me a burned copy of korn's greatest hits. its pretty good. i still got to burn him a pantera&ac/dc cd, &dan an ac/dc one... dan was asking brandon today, how you smoked a blunt&brandon was showing him&he was like, "wait, sarah, are we doing this right...??" I was like...rigghhhtt boys.
In science we had to do this stupid shit with graphs&graph our movements. Me,Jamie,Tina&Tony were in a group. Tina just sat and giggled the whole hour, how much can one girl giggle???? Me&Jamie talked&orded tony around.cept he spent most of his time, wacking off with the whiteboard&licking the computer desk. this kid was stoned off his ass, it was hilarious. I can't believe teachers don't notice that ever. he would stand next to me& be like "look what im supposed to do", &i'm like, go graph our movements!!&i pushed him&he fell into this desk&freaked out laughing. ehh, hes cool. He's a gangsta white boy though, he moved from the southside of milwaukee cause i guess he says he got in trouble with kids there. -stayFROSTY
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